Category Archives: Patrice Cormier

Acting a Revisionist

On January 10th,Patrice Cormier elbowed Michael Tam during a QMJHL game. Unconscious, face-down on the ice, Tam began convulsing. As a result of the hit, Tam lost several teeth and suffered a concussion that has put his return to the Q in question. Ottawa Citizen Op-Ed labeled it an outright “attack”. Pat Hickey believed it to be an “unprovoked head blow” Malcolm Kelly saw Cormier “putting the taser sights on Tam and laying him out with a flying elbow”  Wayne Scanlan called it a “mugging” and Rob Granatstein, he of the professional wrestling infatuation, labeled the hit a “flying elbow”

Retroactively inspired by the writings of Pat Hickey, Malcolm Kelly, Wayne Scanlan, Rob Granatstein, and Morris Dallacosta

The selflessness shown by these men…by selflessly recapturing the…to introduce beneficial suggestion/condemnation of profound social utility…restores my faith in the daily. That being said, asking an overworked All-Star to create a descriptive distinction between two elbowing incidence in the same column is nothing but genius greed.  This is how the afore-mentioned columnists described Patrice Cormier’s hit on Anton Rodin.

Ottawa Citizen Op-Ed – “administered an identical elbow”

Pat Hickey of the Montreal Gazette – “similar incident”

Malcolm Kelly of CBC Sports – “a similar elbow”

Wayne Scanlan of the National Post – “delivered a similar hit”

Rob Granatstein of the Toronto Sun – “vicious flying elbow”

Morris Dallacosta of the Toronto Sun has retrospectively seen the warning signs in Patrice’s WJHC behavior and is retrospectively appalled by the enabling indifference shown for Cormier’s initial sinnins. While engaging a Pro-Patrice quote from a Team Canada Assistant in written debate (BTW, DESTROYS HIM) Mr.Morris notices “No one made much of that shot because Cormier was with Team Canada”

“‘Bows” advocate, Christopher “Ludicrous” Bridges

And Morris is right. Cormier’s actions were quickly forgotten. Reaction was like, that be Patrice being Patrice, targeting Swedes and Finns like a Danish Ludacris (right?) But who exactly should be criticized for their apparent indifference? Dallacosta laments the fact that “no one” made much of the Rodin incident. I’m unsure who would be responsible for making “much” of a transgressive elbow besides sportswriters. According to these men, Cormier’s hit on Rodin during pre-WJHC exhibition was either “similar”, “identical”, or according to Granatstein, a “vicious” version of the hit to Tam. Having read their passionate deconstructions of the Tam assault, you would expect similar denunciations to accompany a similar event. But looking through their archives, you’ll find nothing of the sort.

Shoulda had some artists on the case; see them signs in people

Lets talk about me for a moment; I fucking love acting a revisionist (my girlfriend; knew I loved her the moment I saw her) So it’s with a sense of betrayal that I criticize these maestros of recreation. Within the arsenal of hockey violence, elbowing is not innovative; however, the result of Cormier’s elbow was unprecedented. Passionate reaction is to be expected. But for public figures to retroactively criticize the hockey world’s indifference to a hit they too ignored is hysterically hypocritical. It’s like calling out Gary Bettman for missing the “warning signs” in every penalty McSorley ever took for slashing.

Thinkin bout slashin. Clearly

Maybe if they took a nap, quit their rhetorical slobbering, and met with a contemplative bro (give me a call!!) they might realize that basic human empathy will make Tam’s experience the greatest deterrent to on-ice head injuries since Jacques Plante grew tired of a disfigured face.

Post-Cormier Life: Terrifying and Train-Ridden

On January 10th, Patrice Cormier elbowed Michael Tam during a QMJHL game. Unconscious, face-down on the ice, Tam began convulsing. As a result of the hit, he lost several teeth and suffered a concussion that has made his return to the Q questionable. The hit and its effect were heinous. On January 25th Cormier was suspended for the remainder of the QMJHL season.

Below, an incomplete summary of reaction;

Enlightened bros were like, hey, kids know elbowing heads be bad news, right? Others, more like great news, ah HA, but it’s too late for some, they part of the culture, lets send em to jail and suspend they coaches. Writin’ Dads worried about Patrice Cormier and his ilk terrorizing their kids, and one, all sad-like was like, be a baller. Twos wished they had a hot tub time machine; ones wanted to see Scott Stevens legally concuss folk, other was like, disrespect and brain disregard the problem, watch Original Six, they love they heads. A paper said, make Don Cherry stop inviting peeps into his Jacuzzi tub time machine, don’t he know about science. Some asked Leafs, Flames, and Hounds for their thoughts, loved it, and were like totes bro.  And a man believed he was on the Hogwarts Express, and was like, why won’t train stop, it keep crashing, but only go faster. Maybe…

And, unedited, for your reading pleasure…

“The time for not overreacting is long gone” Morris Dallacosta

“It was disturbingly forgiving” John MacKinnon

A plan for ending headshots – SI

Hockey must give its head a shake – London Free Press

Suspend the Coaches – Toronto Star

Players lack of respect ruining hockey – London Free Press

The game put to shame – The Telegram

Ruining our game – Ottawa Citizen

Leafs approve harsh sentence – Toronto Sun

Flames have no sympathy for Cormier – Calgary Sun

Hounds players approve of Cormier’s sentence – Sault Star

Head shot becoming far too common – Edmonton Sun