Category Archives: Own the Podium

Canadian Skeptics Debunk Miracle, Secure Podium Ownership

Memes Collide!!

Yesterday afternoon, a team of Canadian men defeated a team of American men in a game of ice hockey. The victory was the host nation’s 14th of the Games, an unprecedented total.

Everyone watched the game, and  everyone loved it. 108% of Canadians watched the game; 108% of Americans loved it. The issue; how does hockey capitalize on the public’s newfound curiosity?


Bettman, president of the D2 fan club, needs to reboot Angels in the Outfield. Bring back Danny Glover, Tony Danza, Christopher Lloyd and most importantly Joseph Gordon Levitt, whose indie menace will legitimize the project.

Still searching for his own Bash Bro

Plot Summary: Bomman, in the midst of a spiritual crisis, is reintroduced as a struggling winger for the New Jersey Devils. Having been alienated by baseball’s statistical revolution and the corresponding disregard for mysticism, Bomman, a kick-ass athlete BTW, was attracted by the chaotic and inexplicable nature of hockey. But once again, Bomman is tested. His faith becomes tenuous due to his lack of goals-by-deflection, once a strength, as his tips prevent more goals than they create. He interprets the development as a sign and sets a self-imposed finale.

Shittt, guy can act. Not worried at all bout him playing a man losing faith in deflections

Working Title: Angels in the Arena, A Higher Power Play

Relevant Scene; Working Title, The Night of the Self-Imposed Finale:

Bomman, killing a penalty during his self-imposed finale, is seen errantly clearing the puck from the Devils’ zone. As the puck slides toward the opposing team’s net, the audience notices that the puck, once travelling clean along the ice, begins to flicker. As he nears his bench, Bomman notices as well, his face ominously curious; skating angels ya’ll!!

I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said “If only there were more Christopher Lloyd-Tony Danza collaborations”

As the opponent’s goalie approaches the puck, the grinning silhouettes of Tony Danza, Danny Glover, and Christopher Lloyd emerge. They mug for a few seconds, dropping mock slips and shivers for the cheap seats. They then get down to Disneyin’ as they mischievously drop a ramp before the puck’s path. The puck, inches from the goaltender’s stick, inexplicably skips the goaltender’s blade and slides past the goal line. The crowd explodes; the heavenly trio each break out a current star’s signature celebration; Levitt is mobbed. Cue 60 minutes of delight as faith is restored, redemption shared, interest maintained.


State of the Podium: Super Sunday Edition

Lazily appropriating the lazy appropriations of others, Own the Podium style!!

Oh Canada: Most are enjoying the Winter Olympics, but where are the medals? – Christian Science Monitor

Still, Canada’s medal haul has been underwhelming, especially given the expectation set by the Own the Podium program: to win the overall medal count – Christa Case Bryant


Ownership uncertain, play it out, North Pole style

For Sale: Podium – Winnipeg Free Press


Up for bidding, Black Sox Style

Amid glitches, Canada making these games a Winner – Vancouver Sun

Do we own the podium yet, or has it been shoved back down our throats? – Cleve Dheensaw


Since the Podium can either be owned or a consistent source of potential asphyxiation, I’m going to assume he’s alluding to Russ Grimm’s regurgitated hot dog

Americans ‘killing it’ at Vancouver Olympics while Canadian athletes can only watch and wonder – The Star-Ledger


Deceased, TJ Lavin style. Lil Wayne’s having a shirt sent over

Morrison blames Own the Podium following 1500m loss – CTV

But as Morrison watched his former training partner accept the silver medal on Saturday, he lashed out at Canada’s ambitious Own the Podium program, which prevented him from training with the superstar American – Grant Robertson


Podium be like J-Coops, circa Season 1, obstructing love

Why this Olympics is already a winner – Toronto Star

All that Own the Podium rhetoric, and the now modified downward expectations, doesn’t really amount to a hill of beans – Rosie Dimanno


Right on Rosie, beans and all